Raw emotions

As a young girl I had a seed planted in my heart for orphans. Now as I see it in older eyes, my passion has grown stronger. Sometimes my heart is so heavy with their cries I feel as though it could burst. When we went to Ethiopia the first time I thought I was prepared for the orphanages but hearing and seeing is two very different things. My heart was ripped out with reality. My second trip wasn't much better, don't get me wrong I loved being there and hugging on as many babies as I could. This last summer went on a mission trip to Jamaica. I went with my 13 year old son, it was a amazing experience. Working in the orphanage each day was hard knowing what these Little ones had gone through. My heart just broke....There are so many orphans! It can get just overwhelming. But that's when God brings me back to the smaller picture. One orphan at a time, i know if you just look at numbers its to many. But if you take the time to see a face hear a story and let your heart care. YOU can make a difference. How? sponsor a child, support a family who is adopting or doing foster care, support a missionary. We cant all go- all the time but you can give a week or more to give a orphan HOPE. When we shared at our church after our mission trip my son put it right ' I just wanted to go and give them a picture of what a big brother could be. I wanted to see them smile, even if it was for a week they would know someone cared.' Its the truth, he could see the small picture. Please don't just say I wish this or I wish that. Do something, pray about how God wants you to apply Matthew 25: 35-40 For I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; i was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to me.
And remember be open to having your heart changed. sometime we think God may be calling us to one thing but when we search we find out it is a total different thing. Also don't think whatever you do is to small. Everything counts! Remember Jesus even said 'a drink of water'. It may seem small but its the world to that one person, that one child.

Perspective

Sometimes in life we new a perspective. There is a sweet lady in my life that reminds me almost each day to look outside and see the sun shining. She has touch my heart in many ways with her words. With Her positive view and her genuine take of life. She wrote something a few days back on facebook that touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I don't want to raise 'church' kids, I want to raise kids who see the world through Jesus' eyes. that each life is precious, each child is worth more then gold to our God. That compassion would be like second  nature to them. I know this has to be in part by example, so I can only pray that God would change each part of my heart to be the example he would want me to be. .I have copied and pasted her note here. May her words encourage us all to raise our children to have a heavenly perspective as the walk through their life's. May I teach my children think twice before saying a hurtful thing toward another child. May they also choose forgiveness toward those who have said those things to them. May they always know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

In a book there is a photograph of a little girl. Her eyes are dark brown and they shine. Her hair is blond and there is a yarn ribbon tied that she finger knit herself. Her adult teeth are coming in with a gap between her front teeth, she is grinning wide and she has dimples in both cheeks. She is wearing a red flowered dress that her grandmother bought, her first brand-new dress and it is pretty. She looks happy and she is very cute. She is 8 years old. That may have been the year she started to realize that words can hurt us. That may have been the year she started to wonder about how it all works. The other children in school said things that she didn’t even understand, things like, “you're ugly, you're fat, you live in a junky house, your clothes are ugly” and crazy things like that. They said she was a country cow because her mom had a milk cow so her family could have fresh milk and butter every day, so they could have good meat to eat. They said she was poor and she didn’t know why because she knew she was rich, richer than most of the world and when she thought about the poor little dark skinned children in Africa who had only rice to eat for every meal she knew it wasn’t true at all. They said even more puzzling things too, things like “you are going to hell because-“all sorts of because. That was most hurtful because that was a horrible place and people who had Jesus didn’t go there so why did people say that to her? She would wonder what her family had done wrong to make people say that. She had a good life at home. A childhood that was free and fun~ filled with days of swimming and campouts and ice-skating. She had a momma that sang while she worked and baked. When her mom nursed the babies she would read aloud and take her and her siblings all over the world. She had a father who worked so hard for them and who bought ice-cream even when it was winter. Those words began to change her. She sometimes told her mom what they said and her mom in great wisdom would say “forgive them for they know not what they do” and she tried not to carry a chip on her shoulder. What was most confusing to her was that most of the children who said these things to her went to the same church as she did, as if by being in church they had a special right. She began to feel ugly and fat when she was with those people. She began to find other friends who weren’t from church. She learned to laugh with them and she began to see how words do hurt. She was very small when she began to have a heart for the underdog. She decided not to tease anyone like that ever. Life happens. She had some great teachers who saw her for who she was. She read great books. She had some really good friends. She grew up and moved away. She married a man who didn’t care what people said about her or her family. Every once in a while she hears about someone being teased and that feeling comes back. She has learned what forgiveness is. She knows grace. She has been given much. Her children are growing up, they are not called names. Sometimes she tells them about it and they hurt for her, once during Sunday school she shared some of it with her little ones and they all got teary thinking about that little girl. She got some counseling. She has a good life. She still carries some of those words with her, that were not truths at all. If someone says she is beautiful she doesn’t always believe it. She has a hard time taking a compliment. Her girls are trying to show her that she is indeed pretty and that she is indeed worthy. It has been a long road home. The other day she went into the shop where her daughter works doing hair, maybe that is why she is drawn to hair. To make women like her momma feel pretty every day and she thinks it is working. They sat in the shop for a couple of hours, her daughter peacefully working and her friend sat chatting. It was cold and dark outside and the shop was warm and light. When she looked in the mirror she saw herself through her daughters’ eyes, maybe for the first time. She saw a pretty brown eyed women, she saw eyes that sparkle with life. She saw big dimples in each cheek and the gap has closed in the front of her teeth. She looked happy, that lady in the mirror. The next day she was in town and a young girl said to her “you are a beautiful women” and for the first time she almost believed the words. She made no excuses and this time she just said “thank you”.
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:14

Eve Andersen

Sometimes we hear "no"

As many years as we have been in the adoption/foster care world , you would think one would get use to hearing "no". Not me, I am a goal oriented person when i set my sights on something I work till it is complete. so when I felt God calling us to adoption I jumped on it. search each door to see which one would open. I heard 'no' alot , this door wasn't ready for me. I struggled with this thinking i should be able to walk through the first one. I didn't like having doors open and have us stay in that place not to complete a adoption but to learn. Foster care was hard, we had many kids come and leave our home and each coming i would ask 'okay Lord, is this one?' each time it was a 'no'. as humans we cant see the big picture, we can't see the outside world looking in. We can't see the lives that God has chose to change by choose we make. For me all I could see was what was in front of me. No.....When we felt Gods season for us in foster care was ending it was such a relief and also a grief. Our eyes had been opened to a broken hurting world. We knew our lives were changed forever.

As we felt God calling us down another road. we once again heard 'no'. but through this no we meet some wonderful friends. who would later play a huge part in allowing themselves to be used by God to encourage me through some rough times. That was Zambia, a beautiful country. With many hurting children loving to have a safe, warm caring family. A country who has a struggling economy with sickness making more orphans then their orphanages can care for. shortly after we signed on, the country shut its boarders to adoption. We hung on hoping to move forward and once again heard 'no'. As we sat back and asked God what door? We looked, I should I looked. Remember I am goal driving person. I tried each door asking this one? this one? and then landing on the open one. Ethiopia. There was no 'no' here nothing but wide open doors and swirling paper work. As we walked into this door we had no idea what lied ahead. this door was open yes but the path was not nearly as easy as I had thought. See all our 'no's led up to this. all Gods growing He had been doing in our hearts lead up to this. Ethiopia was the biggest heart transplant in my spiritual walk, i have ever had. When God laid it on our heart that we were to adopt an older child we didn't think much of it. We had seen in foster care the heart that came with a child who had lost so much. I thought we were ready to take on such a case. Which God did open the door but I can till if He had told me before hand I would have had a very hard time saying 'yes, this door is open'. that not to say I had except our adoption to be all roses and sunshine . I did know I was adopting an older child. I just thought I would take it better. Our Ethiopian adoption had nothing to do with us and all to do with us.God used our willingness to say yes. He also used this to grow our hearts, getting into what we hadn't given up to Him yet.

When we were in the process of adopting the girls , I knew we were going to adopt a boy too. I even asked our agency if we could do it while we were adopting the girls. they said no, with good reason. We were taking on two older girls, not a good idea to add another at this time. After we went to the orphanage in Ethiopia, I knew all the more we were going to add one more. When we got home this went on the back burner for a year before i felt God laying this on my heart again. Once again I searched out doors. Where did He want me to go? which door would open. That's when I meet Bentley, He was on a web site. I fall head over heels in Love. He was only 12 months old, he had quite a few health issues but all this didn't matter IF he was mine. I requested his file and fall even more in love. I knew Steven hadn't said he was ready to go ahead again but I showed him any way. it took him three days to say yes and for us get a loan to pay for the adoption. I called the agency , he was chosen by another family just the day before. God said 'no'. i was so shocked he had opened the doors so quickly. why, what? I didn't see the whole picture. He used Bentley to open that door in our hearts. We knew we were to adopt again. We went back to Ethiopia. not only did God open this door up for one more but two! Both Steven and I felt like this was going to the end of our adoption road. now I can say part of me was holding back, saying my baby has not came home. Our boys are great, but with them came with another refining moments for me in my heart. It was hard but it was good. I need these tings to see God and who He is.

After a six months of the boys being home, i really felt like my baby didn't come home that there was one more. Now since then a few doors opened only to be closed quickly after. Now you can look at our lives and say we have made alot of mistakes, that we didnt listen close enough to hear the word of the Lord. Believe me i have, in fact that's why I am writing this. Because i was seeking answers.
This is what I got- God doesn't see them as mistakes He sees the whole picture. He sees lessons learned, hearts changed and things I don't even know at this point. But I do see now where each road yes or no has lead me where I am today not only physical but also spiritually. God has the bigger picture in mind always, He always has my best interest in mind. He loves me and my family more then I will ever know. I am a work in progress. And yes sometime we do make mistakes. But following God, saying yes to Him and surrendering to His will no matter what the out come that is not a mistake. So once again we open our selves up to have whatever God has planned. i cant see the whole picture but I can see God and I can trust Him with my life! I am praying our next adventure is a yes but sometimes you hear 'NO'.

Crystal